Friday, May 02, 2008

When I'm an Old Lady

Okay, so lately I've been trying to decide what I want to look like when I'm an old lady. I figured its best to start laying the groundwork now so I don't startle my future grandchildren with the sudden transition.

First off, I don't want to look like an 80 year old who is pretending to be a 49 year old or even worse - a 29 year old. I don't mind wrinkles and whatnot. I've seen many beautiful women from most decades and the ones with the most charm are the ones who proudly show thier true age.

After much thought, I've narrowed it down. I could totally go either way. I think if you know me in real life, you would agree that either would be a good fit. I've considered my options carefully.

First Look - Neurotic Artist

This is that skinny old lady you see on the bus. She's wearing head to toe black, huge plastic "Roy Orbison" sunglasses, super artificial jet black hair with a bright red slash of lipstick from one side of her face to the other.

She seems pretty tough and outspoken but has a deep love for people who don't irritate her.

I figure for this look to work, I will start smoking again when I hit 80. By that time, the benefits of this rekindled hobby will far outweigh the negatives. I'll exist on nicotine, coffee, and art gallery openings.

Second look - Smiling Grandmother

This is that unflappable entirely lovable lady you see in the produce aisle. Always happy, always saying slightly unintelligible things to little children. You will usually find this kind of old lady has hair to her feet which she twists into towering displays featuring fresh cherry blossoms and plastic barettes.

She seems so sweet until she confesses at Bible study that sometimes people really annoy her.

If I go this route, I want to keep running. When I'm 80, that will finally be my time to qualify for the Boston Marathon and possibly place in my age group. I'll also put flax seeds and wheatgerm in all my baked goods.


Veronica Funk said...

You make me laught...I would love to see these in colour. I already put flax seed and wheat germ in my baked goods and on my cereal...what does that say about me? You're going to have to do Cheryl and I sometime.

Cheryl said...

Oh what fun!! Man, I laughed at this one even after we talked about it already! Great illustrations!
Maybe this might be our next exchange - fun portraits. There is a website where folks are partnering up and drawing each other's portraits and then sharing with the larger group...looks like fun.
PS....I'd go with the flax seeds and wheat germ over the smokes though.

Ivan Chan Studio said...

You. Are. Adorable.

Whatever your age.


Joanne said...

I love the Neurotic Artist - I think it is so much more you than the sweet plump lady. You will never lose your "edgy" and "current" -ness, so be resigned to looking "cool" when you are old! :-)

Ashley Saddock said...

Oh my god this totally cracked me up! Jess over at Notes from the Garden Spot is a great friend of mine. She told me about your artistic skills and possibly getting her tatoo art inspiration from you. This posting just did me in, though. I've NEVER considered what I'll look like when I'm old - you got me thinking. Probably #2 due to my love of cooking and thus eating :-) I'm sure my metabolism will fail me in the future